I want to be THAT mom

May 11, 2018

I'm currently sitting here eating what I call a "deconstructed tuna sandwich", which is essentially the tuna mixture on top of toast with a side of cheddar sour cream and onion potato chips. How am I able to eat this luxuriously, AND in peace, you ask? SIT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF MY PEOPLE.

It's been a hard day. A HARD damn day. And it's only 5:13pm. It started off so good. My husband let me sleep in a little, which he's been doing this past week and lord knows I need it. People kept telling me how hard it was going to be with a 2-year-old and a newborn. But I'm tough. I can handle it. Little did I know that I know so little.

Today, my daughter rejected 90% of the food I gave her. NINETY. PERCENT. There's crackers, french toast, grapes, juice, oranges embedded in my carpet, along with red and green washable marker and I had my carpets deep cleaned on the 6th *eye roll* but I've just come to accept that my house may never stay clean again. Along with this, it's like my infant will not stay asleep for more than an hour at a time today. Then nap time turned into, "I'll play for an hour and a half then go to sleep 20 minutes for bath time." Oh, I left her in that crib. I don't care. Nap time is the ONLY time in the day where I'm able to have a bite to eat and just sit by myself for an hour and a half(if the infant isn't awake). It's hard lining up nap times, and play time and I'm always left with dividing my time evenly, attempting to divide my time evenly, between them. BUT TODAY, I decided that I was going to do something nice for myself, seeing that it's mother's day weekend, I wanted to straighten my hair.

WTF WAS I THINKING?

It's like my kids got together and thought, "You want to look nice? LOL OKAY." Then one kid starts screaming, the other, while I was tending to the screaming one, found a PERMANENT RED MARKER, and went ham on one of my walls. Why won't these kids let me be great? My toddler has a 9am gym class tomorrow, and for once I wanted to look put together like the other moms. There's a mom there who always has her hair done nicely and wears makeup, I mean GOOD make up, not "I just started learning makeup and I don't know how to blend"makeup. Every time I see her I wonder when she even finds the TIME to do her make up before 9am on a Saturday morning. Who are you and why aren't you teaching lessons to us shabby moms?!

I haven't washed my hair in two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. Yea, judge me. Judge the f*&^ out of me. IDGAF. Because after a long ass day cleaning vomit, changing diapers, and playing with a toddler, all I want to do is shower, brush my teeth and get enough sleep before I'm woken up in the dark of the night, to stumble around while making a bottle, then feeding the baby and putting her to sleep, then lay awake with a minor bout of insomnia to be woken up in three hours to do that whole schtick again.

I want to be that mom who has it all together, then again, what's life like outside of the gym for her?
Hm.

Janique.