We thought she had autism

Charlotte was born at 39 weeks on January 28, 2016 at 10:21pm and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

She was stuck in my birth canal for what felt like forever, but in reality, it was about 2-3 hours. Looking back, I blame my own inexperience and the doctor's decision to make me push for so long. But she eventually popped out and was covered in meconium(poop).

     Because of my bout with gestational diabetes, Charlotte was unable to maintain a stable sugar level on her own. I held her for 30 seconds I think, or was it 5 minutes? It was too short a time before they took her from me to take her to the NICU.

And if the roller coaster blood sugar levels weren't something to worry about, she started having seizures. Her father was holding her for the first time, his aunt was there visiting, and Charlotte turned blue. All the machines lights for bright, they were beeping so loud it sounded like screaming. The doctor discovered that there was some injury in her skull from the birth, and a bit of blood floating around in the skull as well. 

There were so many tests. Maybe it's viral. Maybe it's bacterial. Where's the blood coming from? Is it constant? Three days in and she'd had about 4 seizures. I cried. I couldn't stop crying. Then on day 4, after multiple tests, medication and prayer, the doctor said we could take her home. I cried that day too.

Flashforward to 2018. 

Charlotte is now 26 months old and is speech delayed. We thought, well maybe the seizures just made her a little slower than other kids, but we were wrong. While there is some communication, there, it's generally non-verbal. "Da" for most things, "Mama" when she's frustrated *rolls eyes*(lol), grunting when she wants something or doing something. Loud squealing. She likes touching fabric. A LOT. She spins and runs in a circle for no reason. She flaps her hands. She makes her fingers into somewhat of a claw shape and walks around like that.  To us, these things weren't troubling, but to her speech therapist during her evaluation, these were signs of autism. So we did what we thought was best, and that meant finding a psychologist who specializes in children under four years old. 

I found one (she's awesome by the way).  But the wait for the appointment was excruciating. The idea of my child being autistic scared me. And not for the reason you think. It's not that she would be autistic, she's my kid and I'm going to love her regardless. I worried about people. People can be cruel, and children can be mean. So, I went online and I went into the rabbit hole of information. I read articles. I watched videos of people who are autistic. I talked to my husband. No matter what happened, we would be there for our child. Then came the day of the appointment.

Dr. Tiffany Whitworth

We walked in, and the doctor talked to us, asked questions, played with Charlotte. At the end, she came to one conclusion: SHE'S FINE. If nothing else, she's quirky. She's extremely social, the doctor was surprised when she met her because she looked right into her face and smiled. Her play is great. She put a phone up to her ear, she fed a doll pretend food, she mimicked play with the doctor. The doctor was surprised that she knew the entire alphabet(she wouldn't say but pointed to letters when we asked), colors, shapes, and numbers. All those days I sat with her doing work, I thought she didn't know anything. But she was taking it all in. Her understanding is amazing, her speech just isn't there. Her quirks are a form of communication to her. When she's squealing, she's happy. She's flapping her hands because she's happy/observing or someone is in her space. They're quirks. Same as someone biting their fingernails, or playing with their hair. She recommended speech therapy, and some occupational therapy. Which we already have and the other we are going to get from a state program called Babies Can't Wait. So she's already heading in the right direction, and according to the doctor, when her speech improves, the weird quirks, or  as she calls it, sensory seeking, should decrease immensely since she can communicate verbally.

She's fine. 

I am relieved. But if the outcome was different, I would have put my all into helping my child. Then I began to think of parents who deal with children in all areas of the spectrum. I thought about all the patience, money, time and love they put into their children, and I just want to say that I respect the hell out of those people. Because I was ready with card in hand and a mindset that I was going to do anything and everything to help my child, who wasn't even exuding symptoms of SEVERE autism. 

To those parents I say, you are f***ing champions. YOU ARE CHAMPIONS. 

And to the parents who have their own suspicions, it never hurts to try and get a psychologist early. Early intervention would help immensely! My husband's cousin is what one would consider severely autistic, and his parents took him to therapy from a very early age. He is now 19 years old, in college, drives his own truck and, get this, has a girlfriend! AND they get along so well! It can be done. Don't get discouraged if it is autism, and if you're suspicious, don't wait.

Follow your instincts. Arm yourself with knowledge. There's help out there for you.

But most of all, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Peace & blessings.

Janique.

Here's a vdeo of Charley doing numbers and colours with me:

Numbers and colors with Charley