Who was I before kids?

Who am I now?

Last night my husband asked what I wanted for Mother's Day. He already had things planned(cue the threading of the yeye brows, nails, toes, and hair But I couldn't be bothered with the hair), and apparently, he was trying to throw me off his 'trail'. I am notorious for searching and finding gifts, and making him tell me things that should be romantic surprises. Honey, I am too tired to even create a trail to follow. 

     But it really got me thinking. What do I want? And I know you're saying "Jewelry? Flowers? Dinner?" For me, I want practical gifts and while those things are nice, I much prefer a gift I can use. But I digress. I thought about all my hobbies. Do I even have hobbies anymore? You know what gift I came up with? A backpack baby bag. A backpack specifically designed to carry baby items. That's what I want for ME. I have 2-3 chances a year for me to get gifts that's specifically for ME and I choose a DAMN. BABY. BACKPACK. That's not a gift for me, that's a gift for the whole family. See, it's easy for me to get a gift for my husband. He has hobbies. He likes video games and reading. And for restaurants, he's a pretty simple guy, probably pizza buffet or Chinese buffet. He's not picky. But for me, like, what are my hobbies? What do I like to do in my spare time? WHAT SPARE TIME? Here's what I do with my spare time: Wipe vomit. Feeding baby and toddler. Changing diapers.

 Like, Who am I?

I used to be one of the cool kids. I had hobbies, I used to go out and have drinks every Friday with friends, and go get my hair done without lugging two kids behind me, and just be able to be MYSELF.

I haven't worn a touch of makeup since Christmas. It's mid-May. 

You never appreciate little things like that till you don't get to do those little things anymore. That's one of the reasons I restarted blogging. I need something that's inherently, solely MINE. I think everyone needs that. So here I am writing and trying hard to find a part of myself that isn't 'MOM' or 'WIFE'.

This does not mean that I don't love or like hanging out with my children or my husband. I lvoe just looking at my kids and seeing the strides they make, the things they learn and how much of myself or their father I see in them. BUT. I just want time to be Janique again. 

So.

In this blog, I will be myself. I will drink Moscato or tea and write the hell out of this. Because in telling my story, in expressing myself, I AM FREE. 

Love and blessings,

Janique.