What this blog will be:

I know that people like to say things like "Yea, I have a fashion/lifestyle/food(etc) blog." And that's cool. For now, I have no idea what direction I want to take this in. I just want to write and share these moments. I'm gonna write about the hard times, arguments with my husband, the amazing times, my children, lessons I've learned, the food I eat, or my family. There are going to be pictures, videos, maybe a recipe or DIY or 2. I don't want to conform to one thing. I just want to write my little heart out as much as I can.

it's gonna be dirty, hard to read, I'm going to share deep dark things. Because things are roses and rainbows every day. We go through hardships. We go through financial difficulties. We have mega parenting fails. And in talking about it, I feel like I can work through these things, take a lesson from them, and close it. I think and hope that people can appreciate and emphasize with the realness and say "I am going through this, and it makes me feel good that someone understands how I feel." Hell, someone may read it and get an idea of how to deal with something in their own life.

I hope I can be consistent.

Love and Blessings.

Janique.

p.s.  I've got an infant and a toddler so there will be days when I just don't post a blog at all. As I said, I'm just going to do the best I can.

I want to be THAT mom

May 11, 2018

I'm currently sitting here eating what I call a "deconstructed tuna sandwich", which is essentially the tuna mixture on top of toast with a side of cheddar sour cream and onion potato chips. How am I able to eat this luxuriously, AND in peace, you ask? SIT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF MY PEOPLE.

It's been a hard day. A HARD damn day. And it's only 5:13pm. It started off so good. My husband let me sleep in a little, which he's been doing this past week and lord knows I need it. People kept telling me how hard it was going to be with a 2-year-old and a newborn. But I'm tough. I can handle it. Little did I know that I know so little.

Today, my daughter rejected 90% of the food I gave her. NINETY. PERCENT. There's crackers, french toast, grapes, juice, oranges embedded in my carpet, along with red and green washable marker and I had my carpets deep cleaned on the 6th *eye roll* but I've just come to accept that my house may never stay clean again. Along with this, it's like my infant will not stay asleep for more than an hour at a time today. Then nap time turned into, "I'll play for an hour and a half then go to sleep 20 minutes for bath time." Oh, I left her in that crib. I don't care. Nap time is the ONLY time in the day where I'm able to have a bite to eat and just sit by myself for an hour and a half(if the infant isn't awake). It's hard lining up nap times, and play time and I'm always left with dividing my time evenly, attempting to divide my time evenly, between them. BUT TODAY, I decided that I was going to do something nice for myself, seeing that it's mother's day weekend, I wanted to straighten my hair.

WTF WAS I THINKING?

It's like my kids got together and thought, "You want to look nice? LOL OKAY." Then one kid starts screaming, the other, while I was tending to the screaming one, found a PERMANENT RED MARKER, and went ham on one of my walls. Why won't these kids let me be great? My toddler has a 9am gym class tomorrow, and for once I wanted to look put together like the other moms. There's a mom there who always has her hair done nicely and wears makeup, I mean GOOD make up, not "I just started learning makeup and I don't know how to blend"makeup. Every time I see her I wonder when she even finds the TIME to do her make up before 9am on a Saturday morning. Who are you and why aren't you teaching lessons to us shabby moms?!

I haven't washed my hair in two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. Yea, judge me. Judge the f*&^ out of me. IDGAF. Because after a long ass day cleaning vomit, changing diapers, and playing with a toddler, all I want to do is shower, brush my teeth and get enough sleep before I'm woken up in the dark of the night, to stumble around while making a bottle, then feeding the baby and putting her to sleep, then lay awake with a minor bout of insomnia to be woken up in three hours to do that whole schtick again.

I want to be that mom who has it all together, then again, what's life like outside of the gym for her?
Hm.

Janique.

This blog still exists? 2018

Whoa, the last post was in 2015!

It's been three years. THREE YEARS. In that time, we've moved twice, bought a house, got a newer car and the biggest news of all: I'M A MOM OF TWO KIDS NOW. TWO. DOS. 

What a huge change from everything. 

I want to resume blogging for sure. There are things I want to share about being a wife. About being a mom. About the stories(yes I still want to write) in my head. I want to do all of it again. 

Question is: Is anyone still here?

-Love & blessings,

Janie.

Baby it's cold outside~ January 10th, 2015

Don't be mad at me.

This is what happens when you're husband who isn't home a lot finally gets days off. TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF. We've been watching stuff. Playing video games. We went out for a lunch date :) Went to breakfast at Krispy Creme. If you've never had a Krispy Creme doughnut, you have not LIVED.

Really, that's all we've been doing. Just hanging out. He likes it when I watch him play Last of Us, we did that and he beat the whole thing. 

Bought some groceries at publix, target for dog food. oh yea, I finally got my hands on a glue gun! Blooming clock, here I come! For all those who don't know what a blooming clock is, its a clock with spoons as flower petals:

I've got the spoons, the clock, the spray paint, and the glue gun & sticks. LET'S DO THIS.

Sorry I haven't been around, its just I'm trying to spend as much time with Ben since we don't get much as it is. 

I'll do my best.

Peace and unicorns.

Love, Janie.

Horrified~ January 7th, 2015

What a horrifying world we live in

Yesterday was the usual. Clean, cook, take care of the dogs, but yesterday I started watching things.

I stumbled on this adviseTV media channel on Youtube. The host shows clips about what happens in the world, and then states his opinion. Now what caught my eye about the subject of the video was "HIV positive male knowingly spreads virus to 30 female students on campus and records it". As if THAT wasn't horrifying enough, I clicked on the video in my suggested box: Stephen Fry's HIV and me. 

Here, Stephen Fry explores the virus in Britain, and some parts of Africa(Ghana and another I can't remember). People are dying from the disease and in Africa, safe sex is not encouraged because of religion, and the government does not think this is a problem, so they don't invest in HIV medication, and the little that in donated by Britain and the USA, is distributed on a more first come, first served basis. Which means, the later you are, the faster you'll die. How horrific.

Now, Fry went back to Britain to go speak to some gay men, since they are, statistically, at a higher risk for the virus, about the virus itself. Then I heard the worst possible things, one could ever hear. THE WORST.

HIV negative gay men were seeking out HIV positive men, for some sort of party, where a number of positive men would ejaculate inside the negative man, put an anal plug inside of him to MAKE SURE he became positive. The process was called being "Pozzed up". I couldn't believe it. My breath literally hitched in my throat. 

HIV NEGATIVE GAY MEN WERE PURPOSELY TRYING TO BECOME HIV POSITIVE. I was horrified. Teriffied. Scared. Digusted. Nauseated. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't. There was no way this was happening. So I googled 'pozzed up'. I wanted to know. Was this limited to gay men? Was this a new thing? God I had been thankful at that point that Ben and I both took HIV and STD tests prior to even getting together. 

What I found...SHOOK ME TO MY CORE. There's a website dedicated to "Pozzing up". They call it "the gift" or the "bug". And that the fun of it all, was the "hot and sexy" risk they took. And that it turned them on. And they were looking to infect other people at these "parties":

"Searching for men to poz me up. Hit me up, I'm in Wisconsin."

"Give me the gift of the bug!"

And I kept thinking:

OH GOD. OH GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. 

It's a real thing out there. And you all may be wondering, why post about this? You've heard it all. All the campaigns. All the 'Abstain from Sex' posters in school. But discovering this makes me frightful for my unborn children. What kind of world will they grow up in? A world where being HIV positive and sexually promiscuous is fine?

Don't get me wrong. There are many different scenarios for each HIV positive individual. Born with it, rape,the condom broke, even trusting someone you thought was good, but wasn't. It happens. But people actively seeking out HIV for "thrills" couldn't be more WRONG. 

Please, everyone out there. Before you and your partner decide to, I dunno, "get jiggy"?, please, please please get tested. And if you want throw yourself around town, please, do so safely. It's such a scary and, pardon my french, fucked up world right now that you never know who you're going to encounter, or what decision will completely change your life. 

Peace and blessings.

Love, Janie.

Oh so late >.< January 6, 2015

$5.99 boots!

Hey everyone. Sorry for the late blog post >.< I kinda got caught up in hanging out with Benji, and well...yknow. Lol, sorry.

Yesterday was pretty boring. I got these really cheap boots that I ordered for my little sister in Jamaica. $8.34 with shipping baby! There's NOWHERE you can get boots for that price. And the site I got them from is all sold out. That site usually gets unsold clothing for other merchants and sell them for less, which is why i like it :D they're new, just..left overs :). If you wanna know the site, please comment below and I will happily give it to you! They don't have the GREATEST things, but if you search, you'll find something decent. Also, if you want a picture of the boots, just tell me!

I also got a little light I ordered to start vlogging again(Look out the vlogs, they're coming soon!), But I don't like it either. I didn't pay a lot for it, so I'm not mad. I think I'll just spend the money and get a good light. 

We also got a Christmas card from my high school and currently one of my CLOSEST friends, Peter-Gay. Its late, but I still LOVE it! Its so nice to hear from old friends, it makes me feel good that they remember. 

The rest of the day was spent cleaning, doing laundry and waiting for Ben. Yknow, the usual. Then he came home a bit earlier than usual, just a couple minutes. But I savor those couple minutes. We ate that gross velveeta skillet thing, and i stir fried some yellow squash and zucchini. The velveeta skillet just tasted like...over-processed cheese. Yknow that taste when you buy the super cheap cheese in the sketchy supermarket? Never done that? I did once >.< In Jamaica. Was gross. Blech. Ben agreed too, luckily we only bought two because they were bogo at Publix.

Either way, we spent the night watching New girl and cuddling up and going to bed.

I spend all day waiting to spend 2 hours be with my husband. And even though I cant stand Tuesdays- Thurdays each week, I try to truly enjoy the little time we have on those days. 

Peace, Love and Unicorns!

Love, Janie.

January 5,2015

OMG I ALMOST MISSED IT- 11:30pm

I almost missed today's blog post! >.< I sorry! 

Hello one and all! Or no one who is reading this >.> today was a good day! Yesterday was a good one as well. We watched new girl, ben played Lords of the Fallen while I was on the phone with my step mom for 45 minutes, then back to new girl. Our lives are pretty boring nowadays. 

This morning our alarms didn't go off so ben was almost late for work :/ good thing he doesn't mind taking yakisoba to work, or he would've had to buy something. 

Today I spent a bit of time just taking care of myself: cutting my toenails, tweeting my eye brows, exfoliating my skin. It was nice :3 then I got to cleaning and watched another terrible horror movie until ben came home...EARLY! :)

We took our millions upon millions of bags of trash to the trash can down the street of the complex. I mean really, how did we accumulate so much trash? What are we eating? Either way, it was starting to pile up, and I was happy to get rid of it. 

Then we started to play the Last of Us, well I watched Ben play. 'Twas awesome. Then we paused and he actually helped me with dinner. He mashed potatoes, helped me prep veggies, and helped me with the gravy. Oh, he also helped me time the searing of each steak(they were cut pretty thin so one minute of each side would do). We watched new girl while we ate, then went back to playing the last of us.

I'm proud of him for only complaining twice while he helped me cook XD

Anyway, we're in bed, and he's waiting for me to turn the lamp off and cuddle. Yknow, super important marriage business. 

Love, Janie.